you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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