so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
