dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
