You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
