she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i've created a new STD.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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