I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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