So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
