i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were trust falling into bushes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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