I hope mine doesn't look like that
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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