Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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