if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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