there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
