From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
