dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
