That's intense
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is Oprah even human
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
