Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
vagina is talking i cant
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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