Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
