how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
