Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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