weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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