The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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