As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they're like a gay fantastic four
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
