Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
