forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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