I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
