Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
