My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
