Got a toothbrush?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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