a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
