Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think pants incapable of making pants work
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
