isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
