I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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