okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
