Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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