Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
