ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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