making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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