C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
how does that bad decision feel?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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