I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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