What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize