Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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