Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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