If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
