At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
