What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
