three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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