Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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