I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
