Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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