it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
