i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
