hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
