Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
