Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
