my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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