Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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