Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
