So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
