I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
