is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
