Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
