between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I just sharted jello shots
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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