I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
