Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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