If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
