Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
