What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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