Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
