Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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