if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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