nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
