Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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