Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
