Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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