I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
