I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
