Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
