then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I lost the right to judge tonight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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