i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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