Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
