he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
