don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think my moral compass just broke
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
