Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize