i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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