plz talk dirty to me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
