Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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