You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
