Got a toothbrush?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
