The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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